funhouse:+} asked:
“It is so radiant outside today ” After rain for two days in a row, Molly and I were
very excited to get out of the house. It was mid-June and school just ended for us. We
on the sidewalk deciding what to do. Kids were on bikes, roller blades, and skateboards enjoying the terrific weather. Ten minutes of brainstorming passed and we came
across the idea to go to the beach. We accelerated into the garage to pack loads of sun screen, the umbrella, towels, and sandwiches. Then we rushed into my room to put our bathing suits on.
As we got out of the car, we were so exhilarated and couldn’t believe we were
finally here. We have been waiting for this day to come, ever since the season started. The first trip to the coast is always the best, especially when we hear the ice cream bell go off. Golden rays of sunshine heated the cool, morning winds. The sand swirled through the wispy air, dancing in the breeze. It was a shimmering expanse of endless white. Embedded shells sparkled, and seagulls soared. We ambled on the shore, until we found the perfect spot in the sun. We made a hole for the umbrella, laid down and relaxed, and sprayed lotion all over our bodies. We loved to watch the tranquil ocean and hear the delightful sounds of the waves. I put my earphones to my iPod into my ears and fell into a peaceful sleep. All of a sudden, Molly and I went splashing around in the water. We were talking and swimming when we saw the colossal ripple coming toward us. Everyone was running towards the shore, knowing it’s not going to turn out well. We decided to take it, along with some of the surfers, ready to have the rides of their lives. We knew it was going to be rough, but it was worth a try and a laugh. When it came as close as it could be, we both ducked underwater holding hands, hoping that the swell won’t take them far apart from each other.
It seemed we were there for ages. Our hands unlocked and separated. My throat was burning and I was dying for air. I was being tangled and tousled and thought that I was going to drown. My thoughts were around my parents and Molly, wondering if Molly thought these were her last seconds too. Suddenly, my vision came to be a blur and everything started to black out.
I woke up to some ,am giving me CPR. I coughed up a ton of water and my vision went back to normal. I looked around and saw Molly. We were so glad that we made it. We were survivors. But, we were deserted on a tiny island with all the cute guys, who all determined to make the mini tsunami. When we thought time was passing slowly, worries faded into the dusky horizon. Then, we began to be in a huge panic, wondering how we were going to get back. We looked up toward the trees and saw three lions heading our way. We screamed and started speeding as fast as lightning.
I fell and I was covered in sand. I opened my eyes. I was in complete shock when I figured out it was just a dream.
“It is so radiant outside today ” After rain for two days in a row, Molly and I were
very excited to get out of the house. It was mid-June and school just ended for us. We
on the sidewalk deciding what to do. Kids were on bikes, roller blades, and skateboards enjoying the terrific weather. Ten minutes of brainstorming passed and we came
across the idea to go to the beach. We accelerated into the garage to pack loads of sun screen, the umbrella, towels, and sandwiches. Then we rushed into my room to put our bathing suits on.
As we got out of the car, we were so exhilarated and couldn’t believe we were
finally here. We have been waiting for this day to come, ever since the season started. The first trip to the coast is always the best, especially when we hear the ice cream bell go off. Golden rays of sunshine heated the cool, morning winds. The sand swirled through the wispy air, dancing in the breeze. It was a shimmering expanse of endless white. Embedded shells sparkled, and seagulls soared. We ambled on the shore, until we found the perfect spot in the sun. We made a hole for the umbrella, laid down and relaxed, and sprayed lotion all over our bodies. We loved to watch the tranquil ocean and hear the delightful sounds of the waves. I put my earphones to my iPod into my ears and fell into a peaceful sleep. All of a sudden, Molly and I went splashing around in the water. We were talking and swimming when we saw the colossal ripple coming toward us. Everyone was running towards the shore, knowing it’s not going to turn out well. We decided to take it, along with some of the surfers, ready to have the rides of their lives. We knew it was going to be rough, but it was worth a try and a laugh. When it came as close as it could be, we both ducked underwater holding hands, hoping that the swell won’t take them far apart from each other.
It seemed we were there for ages. Our hands unlocked and separated. My throat was burning and I was dying for air. I was being tangled and tousled and thought that I was going to drown. My thoughts were around my parents and Molly, wondering if Molly thought these were her last seconds too. Suddenly, my vision came to be a blur and everything started to black out.
I woke up to some ,am giving me CPR. I coughed up a ton of water and my vision went back to normal. I looked around and saw Molly. We were so glad that we made it. We were survivors. But, we were deserted on a tiny island with all the cute guys, who all determined to make the mini tsunami. When we thought time was passing slowly, worries faded into the dusky horizon. Then, we began to be in a huge panic, wondering how we were going to get back. We looked up toward the trees and saw three lions heading our way. We screamed and started speeding as fast as lightning.
I fell and I was covered in sand. I opened my eyes. I was in complete shock when I figured out it was just a dream.
Here’s a tip : NEVER end with the cliched cliffhanger “It was just a dream”. It isn’t respected.
I’ve edited a few bits.
““It is so radiant outside today.”, I commented. After rain for two days in a row, Molly and I were
very bubbling with anticipation to get out of the house. It was a sweltering, blazing summer and school just ended for us. We stood on the sidewalk, deciding what to do. Energetic kids could be seen, skateboarding, rolle skating and biking, and generally enjoying the spectacular weather. Ten minutes of thoughtful contemplation proceeded and we decided to go the beach. We rushed recklessly, in a rapid attempt to reach the garage…
“We had been waiting for this day to come, ever since the season started.”
“and engulfed ourselves with lotion, excited by the thought of relaxing for once.”
“Setting up my iPod, I fell into a peaceful sleep.”
“I woke up to a stranger giving me CPR. I gagged at the sight of it.”
Other than that, it’s alright.